Monday, December 19, 2011

Someone that etched in my mind & heart

Yes the title above, THAT SOMEONE. I miss those moments. If i could turn back time, i would go back to that period so i won't be regretting now.

I don't know much about her. YES HER. Her life, her past. The only thing i knew about her is, she is special. Really special. She braced through her life without having regrets and even IF she did have any difficulties, nobody would have known it. She is that someone, who everyone, everybody would like to be with, live with. She is lovable, kindhearted, passionate, strong-willed, pricipled etc. I mean, if i really could list out all her qualities, it will be all good. Her bad points?? I guess it will be hardly noticed. Try your best to spot it. I'm not promoting or boasting about her. She is just that someone special.

Yes, she lived with me. She lived with me for 13years and 4 months. During that part of my life, i only spent a GOOD 1 year with her. What i meant is, really noticed her, talk to her for hours and hours everyday, looked after her, accompany her, knew her etc. For the last 12yrs 4 months, she ill be with me for a very long time. I don't really wish to talk about the bad things that happen in her life because it is all an act of jealousy and envy. What's worse was, it's her own siblings :(

Dear Grandmum / nya'yi (in jawa terms, i don't really know how to spell it, my bad)

I wish i could tell you this. You left me when i was 13. I'm sorry for not waiting on you when i was 12 & younger. I really thought that you would really be together, with us, for a very long time. I was young, playful at that time, i didn't even realised that you once got a stomach ulcer. I swear i didn't knew, exactly, when did you contracted cancer, i just knew you live each day strongly and did not show that you are in pain or having any difficulties. Am i unfilial? Even if you say no, i will say yes. It is because, me, as your granddaughter, didn't even know your age. To me at that time, before you left me, i thought you were mid fifties. You look young, strong, i didn't even realise that at the point that you left me, your age was actually, 83/84?? Who would have guessed it??

Do you know that you are always on my mind after you are gone? I can't seem to forget you. I can't seem to stop loving you. People idolize MUSIC stars or anything. I idolize you and i want to be like you.

Wll i know this is life. I just wish you could be here with me and watch you great grandchilden grow up and guide me through this period. Nobody is here helping me. Telling me what's right and what's wrong. After you left, no one showed me the way, the right. NO one treat me like i existed. There is nobody, no one.

I miss you. I really do. Especially recently. I thought alot about you, everyday, in my conversations, i always mentioned you. i don't know what that means? Am i really far for you to reach? I'm sorry i didn't visit you for a very long time. Just know that you are here in my heart, in me.

#this is a random post.